by Ang Kia Yee
I may be acting rather carelessly, going for so many large-group social events as the solar year closes. As I’ve noticed for a couple days now, my shell is thin and my soft inside is particularly exposed and vulnerable right now. It has been easy at these gatherings to feel pangs of shame, and sharp desires to disappear from view. Something about being this sensitised also makes me act strange, keep distance, further marring my ability to do the social dance well. Being tired makes me more reckless with myself, too. I need to recalibrate, I need to be quieter, disengaged, missing. I also need to expel some heavier things or at least set them down so I can sleep better. A lot of fear has awoken in this time. A lot of loving and crying and forgiving is needed.
I should stage a disappearance for a few days.
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(addendum)
Mercury retrograde conjunct Venus conjunct natal Neptune in Capricorn (3rd house)
Sun conjunct natal Jupiter in Capricorn (3rd house)
Pluto in Capricorn slowly pulling into conjunction with natal Uranus in Aquarius (4th house)
It is a physical pain that I’m feeling, an ache expanding through the shoulders from the heart, like muscle ripping apart. Something feels inflamed, diseased, curtailed, diluted, muddied, tilted. I feel a mixture of shame and fear, but mostly shame. I can’t quite see myself right now. Or rather, if I don’t look hard at myself, the image of me in my mind quickly devolves into something miserable, crushed.
From the transits, it looks like a period of some delusion/ illusion and miscommunication in relation to siblings, IRL conversations, neighbours/ neighbourhood. Also in relation to beauty and romance. The intensity of that conjunction is probably also feeding into the exhaustion of seeing, parsing, evaluating, extricating myself from situations of disconnect, bad judgement, disappointed expectations around beauty, grace, admiration, pleasure.
slow 