by Ang Kia Yee

I finally admitted to myself to today that I’ve lost sight of the way of being that I cultivated for much of last year. I gave in to false urgency, I let my anxieties take over, and I leaned into a less aware routine with greater attachments and fear-driven behaviour than I’ve wanted to face. Part of this is because of my new relationship, and the attendant anxieties that have been quite overwhelming. I did choose to turn away, run away. Now I want to walk back to myself, without drama, without disappointment. I do deviate, I do sometimes have to run away. Right now I am ready to go home.

I want to also keep in mind that, while life is always in flux and I do change, there are some principles that can be useful almost all the time. Accepting impermanence doesn’t mean I give up on my centre. These are the principles that work for me, that I want to hold on to:

1. You can always go slower, so go slower. It creates distance for observation, awareness, waking up.
2. Meditate every day, even if you have to do so in transit.
3. Emotions are vital forces, forms and information. You should take care of them. But remember that they are not you and they can always be transformed. In the process, do not repress. Observe, recognise, transmute. Where possible, articulate: write or speak them out.
4. Create a life-level priority list and allow that to determine where you apply your focus, energy and thinking. Allow it to determine what you will let go of, or ignore entirely.

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